Attempting to stay on that blood-stained pitch. Attempting.

A lion's mane.
It's pride.
The saying goes, a lion without it's mane is nothing at all.
Right now, I feel like a lion who's mane is being shaved off completely.
Disintegrating.

A lion's roar.
It's toughness.
The saying goes, a lion roars to attract, scare away or to make its presence known to other felines around the perimeter.
Right now, I feel like a lion who's roar turned into a squeak.
Breaking.

It's like giving up on me.
And right now, I feel like giving up on myself.
No one may know how this feels and can just say things to cheer me up, but it's a feeling that can never be explained.
A man losing his pride.
A man realising his insignificance.

What's worse, losing something you once had or yearning to gain something you never had?
Both as bad, but I'd rather yearn than lose.

If only I could be who I can never be.
Without physical disadvantages.
Or with a stronger mental will.

Clearly it is that Man = Pride.
WIthout it, we're nothing at all.

I am nothing at all.


Peace and love,
Lewis

So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.

John Mayer - Stop This Train


No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train


The older I get, the more insignificant I find myself.
Today, I realised I lost myself.
Having no idea who I am any more.
Ill feelings developed as I stand alongside my friends, knowing about my physical disadvantages.
I lost it.
Myself and everything I used to be.

Please
Please
Please
Won't someone stop this train.


Peace and love,
Lewis

Are the details in the fabric, are the things that make you panic, are your thoughts results of static cling?

Jason Mraz Feat. James Morrison - Details In The Fabric


Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling on your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold


It's chinese new year.
And behind all the greetings, laughters and angpaos, I realise just how much I've been holding onto the past.
The events that happened last year, the pain I endured throughout the year, the heartbreaks I received.

Well, it's time to throw it all away and look forward to a better future.
Like I've told people a lot of times, let go of the past or else you'd just be running on that treadmill.
It's time for me to get onto the track.
Although there's no guarantee of what's in store for me, face it then I'll know.

To God be the glory.


Peace and love,
Lewis

I will follow you into the dark.

Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark (Cover)


Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be close behind.
I'll follow you into the dark.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white;
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:

If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks;
Then I'll follow you into the dark.

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule,
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black,
And I held my tongue as she told me,
"Son, fear is the heart of love."
So I never went back.

If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:

If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks;
Then I'll follow you into the dark.

You and me have seen everything to see;
From Bangkok to Calgary.
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down;
The time for sleep is now.
It's nothing to cry about,
'Cause we'll hold each other soon.
In the blackest of rooms.

If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:

If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks;
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
Then I'll follow you into the dark.


Love.
Simply sweet.

I will follow you into the dark.


Peace and love,
Lewis

So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention.

Coldplay - Shiver


So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me,
'Cause you say you see straight through me,
Don't you?

But on and on,
From the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care

Oh, did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good,
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
And I wanted to say

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
I'll sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you?

But on and on,
From the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care, if you care.

Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good,
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
And I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver,
I'll sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
For you, I will always be waiting
And it's you I see,
But you don't see me
And its you, I hear,
So loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me


A need to improve.
A need to focus.
A need to study.
A need to love myself.
A need to love others.
A need to know you.
A need to move on...

Move on.


Peace and love,
Lewis

I'm running through the fire when there's nothing left to save.

James Morrison Feat. Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings


[James Morrison]
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again but you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you it's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh
It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh
The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

[Nelly Furtado]

Oh
What are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

[Both]
Running back through the fire when there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh
It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh
The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire when there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when we both know it's too late

[Nelly Furtado]
Too late

[Both]
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

Oh
Yeah
Yeah
I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again.


Reminiscence of the past, the last year in particular.
I hate reminiscing.
Mainly because they would remind me of just what a loser I am.
How I can never get things the way I want them to be.
Though this year is a new year, I am afraid of the same vicious cycle.

Once bitten, twice shy.
Third time can jump down and die.

Catchy.
But true.


Peace and love,
Lewis

I'm giving in. This is my sundown.

Jimmy Eat World - My Sundown


I see it around me
I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this

I said my goodbyes
This is my sundown
I'm gonna be so much more than this

With one hand high
You'll show them your progress
You'll take your time
But no one cares
No one cares x2

I need you to show me the way from crazy
I wanna be so much more than this

With one hand high
You'll show them your progress
You'll take your time
But no one cares
No one cares

With one hand high
You'll show them your progress
You'll take your time
But no one cares
No one cares

No one cares
(I could be so much more than this)
No one cares
(I wanna be so much more than this)

Good good bye, lovely time
Good good bye, tinsel shine
Good good bye, I'll be fine
Good good bye, good good night

I feel insignificant.
I feel useless.
I feel angry.
I feel stupid.
I feel childish.
I feel inferior.
I feel ugly.
I feel unachieved.
I feel lonely.
I feel like a loser.
I feel frustrated...
With myself.

Why can't I be them?
No matter how hard I try, I just can't.
I just have nothing to offer.
Sucks.


Peace and love,
Lewis

It kicks so hard it breaks your bones. Cuts so deep, hits your soul.

James Morrison - Love Is Hard


I see lovers in the streets walking without a care
They wear it out loud like there's something in the air
Well I don't care
They're treading lightly
There's no tracks to follow
They don't care where they're going
And if they're lucky they'll get to see
And if they're really, really lucky they'll get to feel

And it kicks so hard it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, hits your soul
Tears your skin and makes your blood flow
It's better that you know
That love is hard.

Love takes hostages and gives them pain,
Gives someone the power to hurt you again and again
But they don't care

And if they're lucky they'll get to see
And if they're really, really lucky they'll get to feel
And if they're truly blessed then they'll get to believe
And if you're damned you'll never let yourself be deceived

And it kicks so hard it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, hits your soul
Tears your skin and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know
That love is hard.

It kicks so hard it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, hits your soul
Tears your skin and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know
It kicks so hard it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, hits your soul
Tears your skin and makes your blood flow
It's better that we know
That love is hard

If it was easy it wouldn't mean nothing.


If it's meant to to be...
It'll be.


Peace and love,
Lewis

Hanging by a moment here by myself.

Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment


Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started while chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started while chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

Well, this year is probably going to be the most tiring year of my 18-year life.
Soccer trainings, tests, exams, North Zone, Nationals, A Levels.
I seriously do not think I have the capacity and discipline to overcome these obstacles, but I wish I can have.

It's not easy and I'm trying my best to move on.
But no matter how hard I try, I just seem to still be running on that treadmill.
It all seemed so perfect for you and I don't want to ruin any of that.
Even though I do not have the ability to do so anyway.
Perhaps I'm still blind.

I'm hanging by a moment.
A moment.


Peace and love,
Lewis

I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming that everything will be like it was before.

Lifehouse - Blind


I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go


Peace and love,
Lewis

Touch.

If you got to choose to lose all your senses but one, which one would it be?
Now this is one of the common random questions we often ask one another.
I learnt today, the answer to that question.

Sight.
How awful it would be not to be able to see the beautiful things around us, to see the people you love every single day.

Hearing.
How awful it would be not to be able to listen to music, to sound, to hear the words "I love you." being spoken to you.

Smell.
How awful it would be not to be able to smell the fragrance of flowers, the fragrance of the person you love.

Speech.
How awful it would be not to be able to communicate to the people around you, not to be able to tell the ones around you how much you love them.

I thank God for all the senses that He's given to me because how devasting it would be to lose either one of these.
But I thank God for the most important, in my point of view, sense.
The sense of touch.

I realised today that how wonderful a touch is and how much impact a simple touch can make to any one of us.
When one is sad, how wonderful it feels if you could lie on someone's shoulder, if someone puts his/her arms around you.
How wonderful it feels to grab the hands of the person you love, to grab the hands of a newborn baby.
You would be able to feel loved and the other person will feel it too.
And the feeling lingers on for a long time.

That is the sense of touch.
Which is what I'd like to call, the touch of love.

So next time someone's feeling down, do not hesitate to lend a shoulder or your arms.
Because everyone needs love.


Peace and love,
Lewis

Here's to a new year.

Well, for 2009 I shall summarise my resolutions for this year:
1) Find God again
2) Rekindle relationships with family member and friendships
3) Maintain and strengthen current friendships, especially to the 10 people (Anthony, Benjamin, Dudley, Jason, Jerome, Chester, Keith, Yenhui, Yeomei and Miss Andrea Ni)
4) Ace my A's
5) Win North Zone
6) At least a semi-final place in Nationals
7) Be more matured

I think that'd be it.


Peace and love,
Lewis