Saturday, June 28, 2008


'The Clique Five'

Yesterday was by far the greatest outing in my JC life so far,
even though we never got to get drunk.
Before the outing was soccer training which really killed me and Anthony's mojo to do anything afterwards.
Soccer happens to be the most stressful CCA outsiders can imagine but cannot see.

There were a lot of feelings suppressed in me and I just couldn't contain them any longer.
Went home to take a teary bath.
After that met with 'The Clique Five' and Miss Ni,
who happens to be the greatest teacher I've ever met.
Though I was faking a smile at the beginning,
time managed to convert it into laughters and a high-spirited Lewis after a long time of absence.
We celebrated Miss Ni's birthday by treating her dinner and a movie.
We watched 'Get Smart' which happens to be so cliche to the extent of it being hilarious.
Ironical eh.
after the movie we went to kovan to hang out and we talked about a lot of stuffs.
I'm glad that both Anthony and Dudley have almost sorted things up in their lives.
Jason seem to be in the middle with me and Ben's lives being screwed up.
Mine's the most screwed up one by the way.
If without 'The Clique Five',
I think I would really be locking myself up in my room a long time ago.

All I can say is a huge "Thank You" to these guys who really helped me through my struggles.
Even though I am still struggling,
they always never fail to try to cheer me up or listen to my problems.
One for all, all for one;
We're all in this together,
for better or for worse.

Thank you guys.

Peace and love,

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I'm trying.

The mid-year exams are officially over for me.
One simple letter to describe how I think I will fare:
If the teachers marking my papers are kind enough,
they would put two dots above whatever 'U's I got to at least try to cheer me up.
But I doubt they will.

Hurdles; How I can't seem to get past this one.

Life for me has been tough.
Been going through some occasional mood swings recently.
If it weren't for 'The Clique Five',
I think I would've cracked.
I've been thinking pretty much about my life and how it's been.
Pretty much screwed I must say.
I've been struggling to come back to God,
I've been struggling in my studies,
I've been struggling to cling on to my faith,
I've been struggling to handle the stress of both studies and soccer,
I've been struggling to not care about my height.
I've been struggling to find myself.
Struggling has been the only verb I can describe myself doing most of the time.

Through it all I also came to realise that I've been a disappointing friend to almost everyone I know.
I've failed to find the time to talk to my friends who are going throught the same spiritual sloth as I am.
I've been ignoring my leaders; refusing to talk about my problems.
I've been so coped up with my JC life that I fail to hang out with the 'Saints' and my other close friends such as Zi, Janice, Eleanor.
I hate myself for being so ignorant and selfish to think of only myself.

My friends keep telling me to hang on.
My reply is always:
I'm trying.
And I seriously am trying.
I've tried to talk to God,
I've tried to share my problems with my friends,
I've tried to not think too much;
I've tried to find the joy in my life;
I've tried to find an answer to my questions.
But whenever I thought I found the answers,
someone would just change the questions.

It's not that I want to be emotional,
but it's just that feeling that will suddenly gush in when things do not seem right.
nothing seems right to me.

So ya,
this is how I've been so far.

Peace and love,

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I came to realise getting sick is no joking matter.
You would hate the feeling of waking up at six every morning for the past 4 days to realise that the fever which you thought had subsided the previous day came back again.
You would hate the feeling of having to cough like crazy every two minutes.
You would hate the feeling of having to stay at home for the day when you initially wanted to go out to study.
I haven't been running since the start of this school holiday and when I wanted to,
the coughing just won't stop.
To make matters worse,
the mid-year examinations are coming in less than two weeks and I have not even covered all the chapters of any subject.
One word to describe this whole predicament:
Damn I feel like I'm dying soon.

Peace and love,

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Elderly.

The eldery.
This is the group of people whom I feel we as teenagers fail to appreciate or have compassion for.
Picture this:
An ruggly-dressed old man with only one side of a slipper digging the filthy rubbish bin for aluminium cans on a rainy Sunday evening.
Upon finding one,
he cleans and crushes it before putting it into a big plastic bag filled many more of such cans.
Then one can slips out of the bag and falls into a puddle of mud.
Instead of leaving it,
he runs to it,
squats down and cleans it like it was gold he was scrambling for.
This incident changed my total persepective and made me realise that there's more that I can do for them other than offering money to them.

I dread going out for dinner with my family to coffeeshops or hawker centers.
Not because of the environment,
but because whenever we're eating happily as one family,
I always notice old people walking around attempting to sell the consumers there tissue paper.
The way some people shun them really breaks my heart.

While we're down there eating good food,
they're scrapping to sell tissue paper,
hoping to be able to eat just a packet of chicken rice a day.

As a kid,
I always respected the elderly.
I'm not being boastful,
but I always feel that if you want someone to treat you the way you want to be treated,
you should always treat them the way they want to be treated.
We're all going to grow old anyway.
What if when you're old,
you're the one selling the tissue paper and the younger generation shunning you.

Those elderly you see selling tissue paper either do not have children,
or they've abandoned them.
Have a heart.
1 aluminium can means the world to them.
$1 means a meal to them.
How we as teenagers fail to see their pain.

Do your part today for society.
I've decided to collect aluminum cans at home and pass them to those elderly in the coffeeshops.
It's not much,
but I feel the need to do it.
What about you?

Peace and love,

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Take Each and Every Training As Your Last

"Take each and every training as your last."
This is a phrase that I feel we as CCA members should uphold irregardless of which CCA you are in or what position you hold.

postitions means nothing if one just uses it for fame.
In my view,
I do not care whether I become the soccer captain or not.
I just want to be able to motivate the team to give their 100% in each and every training;
to see improvements in their fitness and footballing tecniques really make me proud of them.

Hard work is the key to every thing.
Many people in the team are worried and some, afraid, that they might not get a chance to be in the 25 Mr Teng chooses and might even get dropped to the reacreational team.
You guys might feel that I do not feel afraid because I'm a candidate for captain and that Mr Teng would definitely reserve a spot for me on the team,
but I can tell you guys that that doesn't mean that I can slack.
Day after day, I run.
I juggle instead of playing street soccer.
Cause I know that I am not good enough yet.
Cause I do not want to get into the team just because of my position in the team.
I want to work for a spot.
Not just glide into one.
Satisfaction is only there when one works hard for something and gets it.
As long as one has a clear conscience and know that he/she has worked hard for a spot on the team,
there should be no regrets.
Though it pains to see your teammates playing while you're on the bench,
always know that there will be a shot for you to impress and you've got to make use of that shot to really impress.
And with the hard work one puts in in training,
everyone else can see improvements in one's game, whether Mr Teng sees it or not.
Recreational team or main eleven,
we are all ONE team.
As long as we support one another,
everyone has a part to play in this team.

For those who are worried,
worry not!
For those who are afraid,
fear not!
For as long as you train hard and you know you've given your 100%,
you're already in my main eleven.

Peace and love,