Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Growing up? I have no choice but to.

So, 2008 is closing to an end.
To summarise my 2008, I would say that it's been one of the worse years of my life.

Let's see, disappointing O' level score, flunked mid-years despite studying really hard, deteorating fitness, church leaders all but one left the church, lost passion for God, girl trouble, flunked end of year and had to re-exam, and last but not least, having to serve a one week suspension and 48 hour CIP programme.

But besides all the negativity, there has been lots of joy this year as well.
Let's see, got into SR soccer team, camp ASPIRE, 6 wonderful brothers (Anthony, Dudley, Benjamin, Jason, Jerome and Chester), 1 wonderful God-mom (Miss Andrea Ni), Yangshuo trip.
Well, all I can say is that without those 6 dudes and 1 God-mom, I would still be dropping down the bottomless pit.
They're the ones who pulled me out of it and has always been there for me.
And the Yangshuo trip has also been the best 8 days of the year and I want to thank everyone on the trip for just being there.
Thank you.

The dudes and chicks that kept me going (:

The dudes and chick who kept me going to church (:

Cheers for a better 2009!
I hope.

Peace and love,

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I hate this feeling. This helpless feeling.

Lifehouse - Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Peace and love,

Friday, December 26, 2008

The shoreline calls the sea, for simple words and company.

Christmas, the birth of Jesus.
Christmas isn't just all about the parties and the presents.
It is spending time with the ones you love.

And here I am, coped up in this small room.
No one to talk to.
All I have are songs playing on repeat.
Movies of fantasies, showing us the perfection of situations.
Only for me to come back to reality and realise, that I am alone.

I'm tired of playing dumb.
There are so many thing that I wish to say but just can't spill them out.
Otherwise there would be dire consequences which would affect friendships.
I'd rather suffer alone.

Life is just so funny.
When you throw that boomerang, it just comes back at you.
I'm not going to say anything.
Maybe not even going to do anything from now on.

Whenever we do something fanciful on the pitch,
Mr Teng always says, "What for?".
And now I'm questioning myself when I wait and when I hope.

Despite the possibilities of hope,
I do not think it'll happen anyway.
I'm just a small boy after all.

I'm not going to open Pandora's Box.

Peace and love,

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Awesome party. Great company. Good feeling. Bad begginings. Awful thoughts.

When one is happy, the others around will also be happy.
When one is sad, the others around will also be sad.
When one is angry, the others around will also be angry.
When one is crazy, the others around will also crazy.
When one is affected, the others around will also be affected.
When one falls, the others around will also fall.
This my friends is called, ''The Domino Effect".

And I'm still feeling the effects of it.

Peace and love,

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


1. A permanent mark that is left after you have had a cut or wound.
2. A permanent emotional mental effect caused by an unpleasant experience.

People often use the word "scar" to describe a failure in their life.
I won't deny the fact that I've used it a lot of times.
But I found another way of looking at this word, and revert it to something which could be more useful.

We often see scars as something unpleasant.
As a mark that is ugly.
As a mark that reminds you of a bad experience.
As a mark that will remain there forever.
And because of all these reasons, we find it very difficult to move on or even try again.

Yes a scar is ugly, but since when was failure beautiful?
Yes a scar reminds us of a bad experience, but it can also remind us the fact that we've tried our best?
Yes a scar will remain there forever, so are we going to remain beaten forever?

Scars are an indication that you've tried so hard but still end up falling.
That would explain a deep mark.
However, failure is inevitable.
Sometimes we're all too afraid of moving on or trying again because we're afraid of having another scar; another indication of failure.
However again, fear is inevitable.

When an inevitable comes, we all have got to learn to accept it.
Learn to learn from it.
And either move on or try again.

Imagine one day you were a baby and you fell down really badly while attempting to walk.
With the blood oozing, you sit on the ground and cry.
Your parent arrives to clean and dress the wound.
You leave yourself with a scar on your body.
The next day, would you sit there and never attempt to walk again?
No, your baby instincts would somehow spur yourself to try again.
Even if you still keep falling, you now can learn from each fall till you eventually walk.

Learn from each fall till you eventually walk.
And no matter how tough the journey is, at least you'll know you've tried your best.
You're not going to gain anything being afraid.
No pain, no gain.

. "The scars run too deep, such that I can't seem to move on."
. "The scars remind me that the past is real."
. "I can still feel the pain through the scars."
Aren't these one the few classic lines people use to describe their failed attempts?
Well, these lines are just excuses.
Excuses people come up with because their head is in their way.
Because they're afraid of failure again.

Instead of letting your head get in your way, use your head to analyse why you failed.
Take measures to improve and move on.
There will come a point in your life where you're going to have to repeat the feat.
When that time comes, deal with it.
Instead of being fearful to face your fears, let your fears be fearful to face you.

"Do not be afraid" appeared in the Bible 365 times.
It's equivalent to God telling you not to be afraid every single day in a year.
Now you've go to be sure He means it.
Surely, "With God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

Even for those who do not believe in Christianity, do not let scars tell you what to do.
You look at the scars with your eyes and tell them what to do.

Fate is in our own hands and whatever cards we are dealt with, we're supposed to make do with it.
Scars be scars, there's nothing much we can do to remove it or cover it.
I say, just let it be and thank God for the learning experience.

Move on.

Peace and love,

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I miss the company. Too bad all good things have to come to an end.

Ever since coming back from Yangshuo, I never had the time to blog with all the consecutive matches and trainings.
Honestly, these nights are getting kinda empty and boring.
Simply put, I miss the company of the people in Yangshuo.
The simplicity of the country and the laughter the people bring have seriously made me appreciate all things around me more.
Especially seeing my friends first thing in the morning everyday.
These 8 days have truly been the best 8 days of 2008 for me.

Night 1: School stayover
Reached school at around 6.30pm to meet Dsen, Jingfang and Yong Feng to purchase the campfire stuff.
We took all the preserved food and some sauces only to realise we forgot the music CD for the campfire night.

So I rushed to Kovan to buy marshmellows and some gay shit 70s' disco dance CD.
Interacted with the parents and the Yangshuo peeps.
Realised that Jolyn's brother is like damn cute.
I totally can't see the resemblance.

Anyway, the Rocmoc people celebrated Raihana's birthday and Rachel baked this huge cake which tasted awesome.
Good job hippie!
I found a soccer ball and before you know it, we were kicking it in the hall.
The girls on the other hand, were cam-whoring lik mad.
After that, there was a bag check and everyone hid their iPods and PSPs in the their lockers.
Which didn't really make much sense considering the fact that teachers obviously knew we possessed iPods and PSPs during the trip.
Lights off and everyone lied on mats and slept like pigs.
Especially Jolyn the pig, who just can't wake up the next morning.

Day 1: Tour around Guangzhou
Woke up and we left for the airport at around 7am.
Took the airplane and said goodbye to proper sanitation and clean water for another 8 days.
4 hours of watching Greek and listening to my iPod.
Reached Guangzhou and said hello to cold weather and disgusting toilets for another 8 days.
Toured around Guangzhou for 10 hours taking lots of pictures of the scenery, which I accidentally deleted during the trip.
McDonalds for dinner and I was being a nice guy to help Jolyn with the ordering and the thanks I was given was the stupid laughter of hers when the chinese person at the counter couldn't understand what I said.
I still don't understand how sauces in chinese meant events instead.
China people.

Anyway, we waited for everyone to check in together.
We ended up having to wait for Jingfang, then Rachel went to find Jingfang and then Jingfang came back but Rachel didn't and so we wanted to go find Rachel but she appeared all of a sudden.
So ya, confusing shit.
Took a budget plane to Guilin, which gave us ALOT of their name cards.
So I was being a nice guy and collecting all the name cards they gave to us to return to them when I reached Guilin.
Jolyn and Raihana so thought I wouldn't dare to give them back, but I did.
You should've seen the look on the air stewardess's face when I handed her the stack of their name cards.
And Jolyn was being a Singaporean and taking all the green pea packets from us.
Tsk tsk.

Reached Guilin and it was FREEZING.
We could even see our breath in the air.
Sat the bus to a resort in Yangshuo which took 2 hours.
And if you could overlook the creepy red lanterns and the 'no throwing the toilet paper into the toilet bowl' rule, the place ain't half that bad.
The stars we seemingly out of our reach.
Checked into the same room as Jerome and we unpacked then slept.

Day 2: Trekking
Jerome and me were one of the late ones to wake up.
Mainly because his only alarm, with the ringtone of 'Home' by Michael Buble didn't help much.
Headed to some hotel for breakfast and the noodles were awesome.
Afterwhich Group 1 and Group 2 headed for some place to start our trekking while Group 3 and Group 4 headed for another place for their cycling.
Trekking was fun, considering the fact that only Jerome, Benjamin, Sheryl, Jolyn, Mdm Jess Wong and I were at the back strolling and taking pictures while trying to avoid the overwhelming number of buffalo dung.

We stopped halfway to eat our packed lunch and to receive the news that we won't be cycling the next half of the day because the bikes Group 3 and Group 4 received were defective and dangerous to ride on considering the rough terrain.
So we had to walk another 8km apart from the 10km we already walked!
Disappointing, but enriching.
Especially with the company of the people.

Reached the town and the tour guide quarrelled with the bike shop owner, who demanded for a compensation for Dsen's spoilt bike.
Crazy drama.
Dinner at some eating place.
The food wasn't what we expected to be.
It was simply like shit.
And the dinner table was kinda quiet with me being the only one really making an effort to stir up a conversation within the group.
Well, left that place for the resort after that, group debrief then overall debrief then sleep.
Benjamin Koh was the rare guy that day.

Day 3: Rockclimbing + Abseiling
Woke up earlier today and breakfast at the resort, which was so much better.
Scramble eggs, pancakes and orang juice!
Headed to do rockclimbing after that.
It was like shit for me cause I was like struggling with the first route, which was supposed to be the easiest route there.
It was so difficult for me to stretch given my small physique and the bellayer, Xiao Qiang, was making me laugh with his chinese accent.
He said the funniest shit on his phone.
The phone rang, he picked up and said with his chinese accent, "What up?".
I was laughing my ass off.
Jolyn and Raihana are imbar shits.
They're like rockclimbing monsters.
Scary how they ease through all the routes.

After that was abseiling.
We had to carry our pizza boxes up the steep slopes up to the abseiling place.
It was kinda dangerous and Mr Yong were expecting us to catch up quick.
I was shouting for him to consider safety over catching up.
So we decided to make the '2 girls and 1 guy' sequence to make it safer for the girls.
Along the way, there were alot of thorns and they were to be avoided.
Upon reaching the top, we were all tired and had to wait for 4 hours for all, but 7, to abseil.
We were so bored that we played 'throw the stone into the holes', 'sissors, paper and stone with real sticks, leaves and stones', 'throw the stone to knock the bottles down' and my personal favourite, 'wack the Amos'.
Group 1 did this gay shit video as well.

Though the time was long, it was fun.
Especially the company.
Talked to Ben about his future and I just felt led to use the abseil as reference to his life.
Great time.
Went for dinner at the hotel.
Food was better than the day before but overwall was still still pretty quiet.
Headed back to the resort for debriefs and video editings the sleep.
Rachel so looks like a hippie and I even got her to say "drugs are cool!".
I was the rare guy today.

Day 4: CIP at primary school
Woke up and breakfast at the resort.
Headed for the village again.
Keep seeing the same vehicle with the number plate "E874 AHH"
Love the 'AHH'.
Reached the school and saw all them cute kids.
Then went weeding and ploughing for the first half of the day there.
Helped this old lady carry these huge stacks of bamboo along the way.
And I conclude that Jolyn's such a pampered gay shit mama.
Went back to the school for lunch and met this damn cute quiet small boy.
Everyone couldn't get him to talk initally, but I am proud to say I succeeded in making him talk and even laugh.
Then came a quiet girl with a limp as well.
Well, deja vu.
I got this girl to talk and laugh as well.
Man, I'm good with kids.
It so happens that these two kids were sibblings.
And both of them often got bullied by the other kids.

Introduced Jolyn to the boy and she fell in love with him, even though he kept crying randomly.
Then helped to cement awhile before slacking away.
After every hour, the kids get a break and they would come running out to play sports like soccer and basketball.
It was fun playing monkey with the small kids, who by the way, have unlimited stamina.
They would even climb onto you and ask you to carry them.
It was fun.
Especiallywhen Edmond and I went into this class where everyone thought we both were monsters and started wacking us.
One kid even headbutted by butt with his head and another tried to stuff his head up my ass.
Let's hope they grow up to become smarter.
So Edmond and I decided to scare the kids off.
Let me say, Edmond's face expression was retarded and could scare any kid away.
There was also this gangster we call 'lau da' in the vicinity.
He would wack anyone who snatched his stuff away.
I even suggested killing him before he grows up to be some Mafia gang leader.
The toilet was disgustingly disgusting and smelly.

One would rather pee in the bushes.
One of our forfeits for the animal game was to stay in the toilet for just 1 minute.
Anthony was saved by the whistle.
At night was kinda crowded with all the villagers coming to the school for a night movie which many of them couldn't understand.
We were considered the "chocolate drink Gods" there since they have never tried Milo before.
The stocks were depleting fast.
Anyway, the night was Milo, curry, Kachang Puteh and movie screening.
Some of us just slacked at the second level while helping to look after the bags.

Tiring day.
Headed back to the resort at around 9.30pm and video editing then sleep.
No debrief today since everyone was so shagged out.

Day 5: Traversing + Rockclimbing + Campfire
Woke up and breakfast at the resort.
We then headed to the top of the same mountain as the abseiling.
Only slightly lower and this time with Group 4.
Mainly because of the morning wind blowing so strongly.
We were practically freezing to death and hugging one another for warmth.
Talk about brokeback mountain.
Darly still refuses to turn gay at that moment.
Traversing was quite funny considering that we would only traverse halfway, then cycle the other half before abseiling down and coming up to return the harness and gloves again.
Many wanted to go down AFAP.

After the cold experience, we headed to do rockclimbing at a different location.
And this time, it was so much better for me.
I guess it's because I decided to start listening to the advice of others.
Finished all 3 routes.
Then we sat on the grass and the guys hugged one another and had a gay ol' time.
Jingfang and Taihong so make a great couple.

After that campfire.
That turned out bad, as nothing went according to plan.
The timings and set-up were all wrong.
Got to thank Wenbin, Edmond, Moses, Amos, and Ben for saving the campfire committee's ass.
Had alot of cheers, 'fast food game', 'Simon says', 'Hokey Pokey' and the limbo.
Not to mention, the firecrackers and fireworks which really really saved our asses.
Apologised to everyone during debrief back at the resort.
After that went to confront to teachers regarding the unfair distribution of the laptops for the group video.
The other groups expect Gwen and Jerome to wait till 1am for the laptops which is totally unfair to them.
And so the teachers decided to postpone the video sharing to tomorrow.

Then talked to Ben and Amos before visiting Rachel, a.k.a. Hippie, and Melissa, a.k.a. Princess.
One is like a mother, the other is like the daughter.
I'm sure you can guess who's who.
Left Ben to talk to Rachel while Jerome and I went back to our room and sleep.

Day 6: Orienteering race + Liu San Jie + Shopping at West Street
Woke up and breakfast at the resort...again.
Then we started our orienteering race.
The 4 different groups are supposed to start off at different locations and take group pictures of the places on a piece of paper given to each group.
It was fun travelling all around the Yangshuo area and doing the transversing and rockclimbing as a group.
We were basically depending so much on the pictures and our group eventually emerged as the group with the highest points.
After that, we went back to the village and headed for the west street of Guilin to shop.
It was a blast and having Wenbin around is a must.
His bargaining skills are better than some aunties in Singapore.
Phua was looking for the black colour Mao Zedong shirt throughout our time there.
But decided to stick with the white one.
Many different shops there.
I must say, the sex shop down there really tickled our funny bones.
There was an apron with a dick on it.
Damn hilarious.
Then Edmond went in and took out a one boob soft toy.

Dinner was awesome too.
We were like playing hide and seek with Mr Yong.

After dinner was Liu San Jie which could be awesome-er, if the weather wasn't freakin' cold that night.
And if the other tourists were considerate enough to settle down and watch like normal civilised human beings.
The lights and coordinations were captivating but I soon fell asleep when I still couldn't figure out what happened after trying very hard to.
Before I know it, the show was over.
And we all rushed to the bus for warmth.

After that, went back for debrief and then jerome and I went over to grab Ben and Anthony over to our rooms.
As soon as we entered our room, Jerome was so tired that he jumped into his bed.
But ended up jumping off his bed when he saw a rat crawling across his bed into a corner.
Guess it's the same rat Daryl.
So we went up to Edmond's room cause Jerome refused to sleep in a room where he knows there's a rat in it.
In the room, I decided to play a game with Edmond.
It was of trying to start a conversation with 3 pieces of biscuits stuffed into our mouths.
Before you know it, everyone else in the room was joining us.
Funny shit man.
The we went onto Edmond's bed and played cards.
Jerome is clearly damn lousy.
Losing all the games.

Then we settled down and talked.
After much talk, we realised that we keep linking up our conversations to one topic and so we decided to talk 'serious' talk.
Then Wenbin came into the room and immediately jumped onto the bed and hugged Ben's elbow cause he was freezing.
After much talk, we all eventually died on Edmond's bed while Anthony went back to his room cause he wasn't feeling well.

Day 7: Moon Hill + Crown Cave + Shopping and checking in to Guilin
oke up and breakfast at the same place where we ate dinner on the first night in Yangshuo.
This time, the food was better.
Much better.

After eating we headed for Moon Hil which was 786 steps to the top!
Me and Anthony were the only retards counting on the way up.
Well, the view is nice at the top and we took alot of photos there.
There were these damn old granny who followed us all the way up despite their age.
Respect man.
So we felt bad and bought their stuffs.

After Moon Hill was Crown Cave and the cartwheel ride to the cave is awesome!
Especially all the banging.
Okay, sounds wrong.
Ben and I sure love banging.
Sounds wrong again.
Reached there and Briana lost her phone on the way.
Sorry girl.
Jerome was wanting to pee in the cave but controlled it.
We walked and walked and saw the beautiful rock sculptures along the way.

After Crown Cave was the travel to Guilin.
Upon reaching the hotel, Mr Kok gave us from 6.30pm till 12.30am to party and shop.
So it was wohoo!
We walked as a group, went to the underground shops and bargained.
Bought roadside food and settled down at a Bar/Restaurant.
Ate the gay shit Mexican Platte, which was literally gay shit.
It was fun and we didn't realised how crazy Yong Feng, Ian and Glen were.
Total madness.
They ended up waking up late the next morning.

Day 8: Traveling back to Singapore
Woke up and breakfast at the hotel.
Went to the airport and took our flight to Guangzhou.
At Guangzhou, we saw Jay Chou.
Yes, I mean JAY CHOU.
And funny thing, he was standing right beside me and I didn't even know.
Most of the girls and Jerome, went crazy.
They started bluetooth-ing his picture taken by a caddy around.
Crazy shit.
After that was the journey back to Singapore and goodbye to my friends.

Well, it was the BEST 8 days of 2008 and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The bonds formed during the trip, I really hope will stay together.
And even as each us take up our different roads, we'll still support one another in times of difficulty.
Thank you my friends for making this trip awesome.
And this trip couldn't do without any one of you.
Thank you and keep in contact guys (:

Peace and love,

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Love is what bonded us together. Do you remember? I do.

Ouch the ankle.
Clearly my ankle's beginning to give up on me.
Match against Tampinese JC yesterday ended with a 4-0 win at the expense on my ankle.
Match tomorrow against Deyi and Anderson JC the day after.
Pray to God that my ankle will still be intact.

Well, I've been missing Yangshuo these couple of days.
Mainly missing the company of the people there.
If only time could freeze.
But hey, who are we to challenge time aye.
Give me a while more to update on my trip.

Until then.

Peace and love,