Reality of inferiority.

There's a particular habit I have, which is imagining things.
Imagining the best case scenario of events only to realise, that they'll never come true.
Not only am I doing to my friends, I'm concurrently doing it to myself.
Often times I would picture myself as a handsome guy with an average height being able to confidently go up to someone and that person would notice me.
But never the case.
I would realise soon after, that it's not going to happen, and never will.

Truth is, I tried my best to love myself.
I really did.
And there will a period of time when I would.
But then soon after, I would get back to reality and feeling inferior again.

I love my friends.
Because often times, they would compliment me on things.
But I would feel good one moment, and awful the next.
Because the truth of the matter is, I am short.
There are times when I look at my friends and see just how awesome they look, not that I'm gay or anything, but I just feel so...envious.

And I hate it when girls say "height doesn't matter".
Because they're saying that just to console me when they do know that humanly speaking, appearance does matter.
And the truth of a matter is that I am not good looking either.

So I hate imagining things, because ultimately, they wouldn't come true.
And I would just be disappointed with myself.
Like I am now.

Stark truth of reality.


Peace and love,
Lewis