Sunday, November 30, 2008
Stop all the massacres in my mind. Goodbye.
Went for lunch with family.
Sis and mom quarreling again.
Emotional rollercoaster.
Went to get China currency.
Went to Bras Basah for mess tin.
Went home.
Packed bag.
Helped to move furniture.
Still emotional rollercoaster.
Going to school soon.
Good thing.
Leaving Singapore tomorrow.
China.
Forget everything problem in life.
Look at the beauty of nature.
Stay there for 7 days.
Then come back and face same problems.
Hopefully...
Never come back.
Au revoir.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Saturday, November 29, 2008
If anyone can see through this false facade. If only.
Played 30 minutes.
Toe excruciatingly pain.
Subsituted out.
Played keeper for seniors.
Got mocked.
Lunch.
Slept on the bus and MRT with Weijun to Outrum Park.
Called Yenhui.
Walked alone.
Met Keith at City Hall.
Shopping.
Coffee.
Supposedly movie.
Walked to far away bus stop.
Took bus 80 home.
1 hour.
Kovan MRT.
Bought dinner.
Went home.
Watched 4 episodes of Greek.
Totally bummed.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Friday, November 28, 2008
Less words. More interpretations.
Soccer match against Hougang Police Post.
Won.
Played an above average match.
Injured toe.
Match tomorrow.
Feeling beat.
Night.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Monday, November 24, 2008
The escape atiste says.
Friends talking about love not being eternal.
Friends talking about unforeseen love.
Friends talking about unwanted love.
And it sucks not being able to help in any other way but lending a listening ear.
I know I may not have the best track record for having a happy life, but I'm sure my ears are enough.
Maybe even topped off with a couple of advice.
Miss Ni always says she gets hurt whenever she sees me laugh or smile.
She says it's because she knows that I'm laughing and joking on the outside while disintegrating on the inside.
She says I'm an escape artiste.
Someone who escapes his own problems by dealing with other peoples' problems.
Someone who hides his own problems with smiles and jokes.
And I'm ashamed to say that she's right.
But I'm also proud to say that I don't mind.
Cause I'd rather help other people solve their problems than my own.
They say that one must first solve his/her problems before solving other peoples' problems.
I say that all huamn beings need is to know that someone is there listening to them.
It's my only way of detaching from my own emotions.
There's nothing much I can do but lend a pair of listening ears to those who need it.
And no matter who you are, no matter what background you come from, no matter whether you're right or wrong, I'm willing to help.
Cause I always believe that there's good in everyone.
Here to my broken-hearted friends:
When love has come
But soon is gone
It begs the question
Was it there
The love was lost
And never found
Lost without you
Lost without me
Lost into eternity
The love was just a figment
A figment of our minds
Something we could ponder
But never express
Was it love or just a feeling
Was it love or just healing
Healing from the hatred
The hatred of our hearts
Our past was deep and full of pain
We needed this to release the stain
For this I do not regret
The time with you that I had spent
Lewis
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The chaser who always takes the backseat. Loserific.
- Forever taking the backseat.
Snow Patrol - The Planets Bend Between Us
I'm always the chaser.
Always.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Stay on that pitch...just let me stay.
That 75X120 yard piece of grass patch.
That's the only place I feel wanted.
That's the only place I find peace.
That's the only place I want to stay in.
That's the only place I pray in.
The adrenaline.
The intensity.
The atmosphere.
Indescribable.
Even though I scored today, I somehow still feel empty.
I somehow still feel that I'm not there yet.
My fitness, deproving.
The only consolation is me knowing I'm at least heading the right way on that pitch.
But it's still not enough.
Let's face it, I've not been a good Christian lately.
The things that I do not deserve, He still gave.
His grace.
Is something I've been taking for granted.
With the fire buring out, He's still out there desperately searching for firewood.
I feel ashame.
I feel I do not deserve the goal.
I feel I do not deserve everything that I have.
But He still gave.
I need to push.
I need to bleed.
I need to improve.
I need someone anywhere to motivate me.
I need someone.
And lastly,
I need to stay on that pitch.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Deep revelation.
The only true emotion humans can feel.
Happy, sad, angry.
All these don't really make a deal.
Fake.
That's what they are.
Just masks,
For what may seem so far.
Pain.
The only true emotion humans can feel.
It is often denied.
As humans tend to conceal.
Complex.
That's what it is.
How it's present no matter when.
Stop to think and you will realise this.
Pain.
The only true emotion humans can feel.
Though detestable,
It is what makes us know we're real.
Crazy.
You think I am.
But you know what?
I don't really give a damn.
Pain.
The only true emotion humans can feel.
It started with pain it ends with pain.
This is life's endless wheel.
Pain.
Peace and love,
Lewis
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me.
So you say I'm better off here,
as dry as the shoreline in an ocean of fear.
And so you say that I can’t be alive
Until there is nothing when we’re meeting eyes
Again
And day by day I wander these halls,
And you’re casting a shadow onto every wall.
And all the way you ring in my ear,
from the moment I knew you were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.
This give and take, this waiting on time
It’s this twisted up memory that I can’t unwind.
These fragile words that fall from my mouth
And I’m crumbling and crowded, but I’ve figured you out.
I've figured you out.
I've figured you out.
I've figured you out.
The shoreline calls the sea
For simple words and company,
But words go on and on,
Till they collide and all is gone.
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.
The shoreline calls the sea
For simple words and company,
But words go on and on,
Till they collide and all is gone.
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.
As you glance around at all the faces, you'd be uninterested.
They hardly know each other, or anyone else.
Some point into blank space, some talk to themselves.
Some abandoned, some just simply ended up there.
Some lead normal lives before, some born like that.
As you glance around at all the faces, you'd be wondering.
How they once were like you and I.
Having friends, having a family.
Able to confide to someone, able to joke with someone.
Able to be loved, able to receive concern.
As you glance around at all the faces, you'd be sad.
At how you wish you could help, but there's so little you can do.
All you can do for them is sing, all you can do them is dance.
All you can do for them is playing pass the parcel, all you can do for them is clap along.
How they're like birds locked up in a cage, just dying for acceptance from society.
As you glance around at all the faces, you'd be afraid.
That one day you might end up like them, that you might lose everyone you know.
That one day people will look unto you with pity, that you would be feared.
That people will never take you seriously, that you would not even recognise yourself.
As you glance around at all the faces, you'd appreciate.
All that you have presently.
This was my day at Sunlove.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Detachment of emotions.
The raw human emotion.
How so many lack it.
I'm sick and tired of being human.
All these emotions.
How I envy the birds.
Flying to different places all the time.
So carefree.
So lucky.
Fly Lewis fly.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Slow down.
Too fast that we can't seem to take a step back and look at the things that mean so much to us.
While it is true in reality that we can never stop time, I would say time is not moving fast at all.
Why does it seem that life is moving so fast now?
We all have the same feelings whereby we feel that time moves faster as we grow older.
However, I would say that time is moving at exactly the same speed as it was 10 years ago.
In fact, time is not the one that's moving fast.
We are.
As humans, we just walk through life in a stereotypical sequence.
Primary school then secondary school then junior college/polytechnic/ITE then university/work then work then get married then start a family then retire then die.
So by the looks of it, we're moving faster and dying earlier.
We often feel that life will not wait for us.
But in actual fact, we're not living our life to the fullest if we just keep sharpshooting to the peak.
Eat a meal in five minutes or take your time and eat the meal while watching your favourite show for an hour?
Now which will be more satisfying?
Now which do you prefer?
As humans, we usually think of the consequences before doing something.
Though it may be good, it may not be good all the time.
Sometimes, we just got to lay everything aside and make a firm decision from the start.
And stick to it.
Slow down, just slow down.
Don't think.
Just slow down.
I need the beach...
The waves.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
And now again I've found myself so far down.
3 Doors Down - Away From The Sun
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am
Cause now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun again
Away from the sun again
I'm over this
I'm tired of livin' in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know
And now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me to find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down away from the sun again
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't tell what I've done
And now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines to light the way for me
And now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me to find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down away from the sun again
A reflective long bus ride home.
IJC match tomorrow and re-exam on friday.
Ankle injured and math untouched.
But I want to play.
But I want to ace math.
There are just too many regrets I had in life.
This will either be a regret or me not having more regrets.
I'm screwed.
Damn screwed.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Self-explanatory.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out the door
She's running out, she run, run, run, run, run
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Peace and love,
Lewis
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Breakdown lag.
John Mayer - Comfortable
I just remembered that time at the market
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
and rolled down aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us if we could leave
Can't remember what went wrong last September
though I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to
Our love was comfortable and so broken in
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
my friends all approve,
say "she's gonna be good for you"they throw me high fives
She says the Bible is all that she reads
and prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was so dirty
Life of the party and she swears that she's artsy
but you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane
Our love was comfortable and so broken in
Sshe's perfect
So flawless
or so they say, hey
say, hey
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
Grey sweatpants
No makeup
So perfect
Our love was comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back
Enough said.
Body ache, heart ache.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I've been posting music videos for quite sometime now.
It's because I feel that these songs can express how I feel without me saying without me saying a single word.
Basic emotions like: Frustration, Sadness, Confusion, Weariness, Scared, Loneliness.
Juggle them up and you get a sentence like, "I am frustrated that I am lonely, to the point where I am sad and confused, adding to the tiredness of all my constant fears."
Re exam in a week, soccer training tomorrow, Yangshuo presentations.
All of which I'm screwing up and gonna screw up.
Now I don't even dare to talk to you.
And I don't even hate you.
How retarded can one get?
This retarded.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Wanna leave this world for a while.
John Mayer - Free Fallin'
She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
Shes a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
It's a long day living in reseda
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
All the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm
I wanna glide down over mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for a while
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Peace and love,
Lewis
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.
Self-explanatory.
Peace and love,
Lewis
Take a look at me now.
Stereophonics - Dakota
Thinking ‘bout thinking of you
Summer time, think it was June
Yeah, think it was June
Lay about, hang on the grass
Chewing gum, having some laughs
Yeah, having some laughs
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one, your one
Drinking by drinking for two,
Drinking with you, when drinking was new
Slipping in the back of my car
We never went far, didn't need to go far
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one, your one
(x2)
I don’t know where we are going now
(x2)
Wake up, cold coffee and juice
Remembering you, what happened to you?
I wonder if we’ll meet again
Talk about life’s little spin, talk about why did it end
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one, your one
(x2)
I don’t know where we are going now
(x2)
So take a look at me now
(x5)
Peace and love,
Lewis
Monday, November 3, 2008
I'd like that.
John Mayer - Love Song For No One
Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
(get here)
Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
just staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me
Peace and love,
Lewis
Saturday, November 1, 2008
So you sailed away, into a grey sky morning. Now I'm here to say, love can be so boring.
Peace and love,
A warning sign, I missed the good part and I realised.
When the dark abides,
And your eyes behold
At the break of light,
I'd write music by the moon
And songs by the sun,
And their melody and tune
Would ring you're the one.
Peace and love,