Weary.

I'm walking in this never-ending path...

I'm tired...
Tired of being alone...
Tired of being short...
Tired of trying but failing...
Tired of this draught period...
Tired of everything.

Frankly, I do not care about captaincy.
I'd give that up just to see the SRJC soccer guys giving it their all during each training,
whether it was impromptu or not.
I'd give that up just to see the guys bonded together.
And I'd give my hopes of growing taller just to see my friends, whether saved or not coming to Christ.

I need a breakthrough...
Somehow somewhere.
Now...

Messed Up.

He is the answer to all of life's' questions.

Lifesong

In this run,
I can't see the sun.

This race,

I can't keep up the pace.

Through tribulation,

I can't find the solution.

The goal,

I can't even find my soul.

People call me short,

Where's my shot?

Insults hurled at me,

Why me!

Through it all,

Someone heard my call.

A Saviour came,

And took my pain away.

On that Cross,

He paid the cost.

Without a thought,

He came and fought.

What did He have to gain?

He died and rose again.

His nail-scarred hands,

Helped me make amends.

Jesus is the Christ,

And He's on my side.

Though there will be dark and gloomy days to come,

I will fear not!

Through Him I will overcome.

This life-giving water,

Remind me never again to falter.

With Him,

Hell is no more the fine,

Heaven is now the finishing line.

It's been a long time since I last blogged and for the benefit of my SRJC friends,

I've decided to blog on my life story again.

Anyway,

for those of you who think of me as just a goofy guy who jokes a lot,

you should know the phrase:

behind every goofy guy, there's always a sentimental side.

Here's the story.

I once was a guy who love to speak vulgarities,

and I mean LOVE to.

I would often try to fit at least one vulgarity into every sentence.

I had the mentality that girls like guys who speak vulgarities.

What a stupid fool I was.

Besides speaking vulgarities,

I used to indulge in pornography to drown my sorrows as well.

And it's nothing to be proud of.

You won't see a guy going around strutting to everyone "I watch porn! I watch porn!".

Anyway,

my sorrow was mainly due to the fact that I used to have a girlfriend.

Yes,

I used to have a girlfriend.

I initiated the break-up because I found out that I didn't have any feelings for her anymore and staying together would just hurt her further.
The months to follow was agonising,

as that girl couldn't let go and kept wanting a patch-up.

I was into hiding like Mas Selamat now and when my friend invited me to his church event,

I decided to take my hiding there.

I went and accepted Christ that day,

but for the wrong reasons.

All that was going through my mind was

"God, tolong tolong. Help her get over me quickly so that I won't have to hide any further. Protect me God."

Selfish me.

The hiding stopped around two months after the break-up and during that period of time,

I've been going to church,

but going just to hang out with the church people.

I was a stagnant Christian with selfish needs.

During that period of time,

I spend most of my times at home emo-ing and crying.

Because I was really sorry for what I did to that poor girl.

I indulged in pornography to not think of anything.

Again,

what a fool i was.

One day,
I had enough and in the shower,

I just dropped to my knees and cried out to God.

Saying "Forgive me for I have sinned against You time and time again. I had enough of my sinful life! Forgive me God!"
At that moment,

a vision came into my mind.

It was a vision of me kneeling before Jesus on the Cross with His blood pouring down on me.

I didn't quite understood it back then and I consulted my life group leader.

He explained to me that the vision was the Lord telling me that He has forgiven me for my sins and the blood represents His blood clensing me of all my sins.

I was overwhelmed and I just burst into tears.

After that incident,

I still wasn't healed completely.

I was still feeling inferior to everybody.

Being shorter than everybody and feeling empty inside.

I still struggled to shrug off pornography in my life.

And it took my friend's father's death to really wake me up and stir me within.
I was just amazed by how my friend and his family took his father's death.

"He has been working hard all his life for this family and I guess it's time the Lord gave hin rest."

This was what he said to me.

I was just so amazed by how devoted they are in God even though they have lost someone so dear to them.

It was then that I decided that I would live my life not for myself,

but for God.

My life changed completely after that incident.

Once held down by sin,

now held up by Christ.

Relationships may mean a lot to you guys.

Finding the right guy or girl to share something with may be satisfying for a couple of months,

but it will all slowly fade away.

In this world there can only be one for you;

the one God chooses for you.

Short I may be,
but trust in the Lord I will.

I am really glad I made the decision to accept Christ and I am really glad to see some of my friends doing the same as well.

Christ changed my life inside out.

From a guy who speaks vulgarities,

a guy who sees pornography,

He changed me and clensed me.

There can only be one definition to love in life,

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Now that's true love.

Commitment In Love.

Love is indescribable; Love is beautiful

His Downfall.

He leads standing
as she awaits stranding.
As his feelings fade
trust stabs her with a blade.

Her heart aches
as he makes the same mistakes.
Three years
explains the amount of tears.

Chasing this dead wish
is his greatest fantasizing dish.
How much he once had
he should've been glad.

Her heart shattered
yet he didn't think it mattered.
How lucky he was to be with her
is a real human blur.

If only he cared a hoot
then he wouldn't become a brute.
If only he knew
that love is not like poo.

Cause what he thinks he has
he might as well kiss my ass.

New Life.

One more hour and it'll be my birthday.
I don't know why but I don't feel as excited about my approaching birthday as I used to.
Maybe it's because I know that I've been walking aimlessly these past 17 years.
Maybe it's because I know that I've been committing the same sins these past 17 years.
Maybe it's because I can't see things the way I used to anymore.
But I am going to change that.
Let this number seventeen be a bench-mark to the end of me being a wastrel .
That from this year on,
I will start pleasing God and not men.
That I will not care about what others may think of me.
So what if I'm short?
So what if I'm being used?
So what if I feel lonely?
So what if I'm weak?
All these,
I do not care anymore.
I'm short,
let it be then.
I get used by people,
good!
I feel lonely,
God's with me.
I feel weak and tired of life,
God will provide for me.

"My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

I will live for You
and not for me.

Revelation.

Burning buildings,
Burning fury.

Friends lost,
Friends saved.

Still asleep,
I'm so ashamed.

Time wasted,
Clock's ticking.

Opportunities given,
Opportunities missed.

Raised up into heaven,
buring in hell.

Where's the compassion?
Where's the urgency?

A seed sown,
Is sowned into eternity.

Call For A Savior.

When I was sick,
You healed me.

When I needed somebody,
You sent a companion.

When I sinned,
You forgave me.

When I forgot You,
You never forget me.

When I disobeyed You,
You stood by me.

When I didn't deserve anything,
You gave me everything.

Your love,
Your kindness,
I don't see it like I used to.

Blind as I am,
I need to fall in love with You
Again.

Swing Till Your Final Breath.

This post is not about love though it is posted on valentines' day.
Anyway,
my valentines' date was a guy and it's not because I'm a gay,
but it is because I am the type of guy who does not believe in valentines' day as being just one day.
I believe that if you truly love someone,
you would not just dress to impress or buy roses or write mushy cards for that person for that one day alone.
To me,
it should be an everyday event.
And it's not only to the person you like that you show extra love and concern for,
but to your friends as well.
Well,
that's my take on valentines' day.

I've been sitting around pondering about life and how much worse this world is becoming.
It leads me to the question of what best decribes life.
Many people would use the analogy of a roller-coaster or a carousel where it's all about the ups and downs of life.
I however have a different perspective of life.
In my point of view,
I feel that life is like a super heavy swing and what you choose to do to it.

Type One:
You can be the type of person who sees a swing,
sits on it and after seeing that you don't have the strength to swing it,
spins it round and round, entangling the rings holding the swing,
and release it after.

Type Two:
You can also be the type of person who sees a swing,
sits on it and after seeing that you don't have the strength to swing it,
accepts and surrenders to the fact that you can't swing it and just remain seated on it.

Type Three:
Or you can be the type of person who sees a swing,
sits on it and after seeing that you don't have the strength to swing it,
humbly calls on a friend to push you as hard as he or she can while you paddle your legs back and forth.



Type one people are the kind who go in an everlasting circuit of sin,
causing trouble for their own life.
These are the people who are ashamed to call on for help in troubled times and when they sin,
they may ask for forgiveness but tends to repeat the feat.
Type two people are the kind who are the pessimists,
not even trying.
These are the people who are ashamed to call on for help in troubled times and they surrender to the fact that they can't do it when they do not even bother trying.
They will just live life by like this.
Type three people are the kind who know that they are weak and need help.
These are the people who count on the assistance of another person in troubled times.
They humble themselves and make the effort to complete with the assistance.

You see my friends,
most of you are living as the type one and type two people who dare not try,
who are afraid of some mayhem to happen.
You guys would just keep it within yourself when you have a problem.
But eventually,
the problems will just keep piling and you'll find it hard to carry on in life.
Then you'll fall into sin;
pornography, alcohol etc,
or even get into relationships just to make you feel better.
If you can humble yourselves and take that leap of faith by trusting the only one person who can save you from eternal condemnation,
Jesus Christ,
you'll be able to really see the greater things in life over the horizon when you're up that swing.
I am not trying to be holy again,
but I post these because I care and love you guys.
You guys may hate me and what I'm doing,
but I do not care or hate you back.
I am not just referring to non-Christians,
but to Christians as well.

There are Christians who haven't been living the way they should be.
There are Christians who have died.
But I know that one day,
they'll be back.
I just do not wish to see my Christian friends to ever backslide,
even though some are on the verge of doing so.
It's also your choice of how you'll want to swing.
Someone may have pushed you already,
but if you do not take the effort and hardwork to paddle back and forth,
you'll still go back to square one and you'll be no different from what you were initially.
But there is yet another choice;
humbly ask that person to push you once again (and you know that person will always and forever be at your assistance if you ask).
If you claim that you're a Christian and not living like one,
you're like the type two person:
sitting on the swing and just staying there.
Take a knife and stab me if you want if you guys feel that I am rebuking you,
but come what may,
I still care for you people.
This world as we know it will be coming to an end shortly,
now's the time to jump,
and take that leap of faith by trusting Jesus Christ with all your problems.
He saved us once,
and He'll save us once again.

"With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
- Matthew 19:26

So are you going to swing or not?

RGEN, please do not die...please.

Animals.

Well,
had nothing to do and just decided to do some old school blog hopping.
Came across Zi's blog and was really convicted to speak on the content there.
Animal cruelty.
Why can't people just appreciate God's creations?
Skinning animals for their skins?
Come on!

Just recently during a chalet,
I went out with two of my other peers to buy some grub for the crew back in the chalet.
On the way back,
we decided to rest at a bicycle rental store.
There we saw three men using a bicycle basket as a trap, tilting it up on one side with a crumb of bread in it.
They were trying to trap some flock of pigeons and they managed to trap one unfortunate pigeon after all their efforts.
Me and another of my peer just thought that they were just having some fun and that they'll release the pigeon after the had enough.
But then my peer heard one of the guys said "Jiak, jiak?" which was in dialect.
In english it means: Eat.
My friend and I were shocked and we thought it was a joke.
But one of the guys started grabbing that poor bird by its wings, taking out a pair of sissors and aiming at its wings.
My friend told us to quickly run away.
But something in me managed to muster out enough courage to stand up to those guys and told them that it was illegal to kill or even torture animals.
In chinese of course.
When they still refused,
I threatened to call the police.
They soon abided to it and set that pigeon free.
We went off after that and I could still hear them cursing at me from a distant.
I called the SPCA and the police after in fear that they'll try out the same trick again.

Let's look at this in another context.
How would you feel if you see another creature skinning a human being alive?
Well,
that's exactly how animals feel when they see their own species exterminated.
Animals are like us;
they have a family,
they fight to survive,
they have a Father up above who cares for them.
They are not much different from us.
Why overlook them?

I still can't figure out how can human beings be so cruel to the smallest of creatures.
God created every single thing on earth for a reason.
Even the notorious mosquitoes.
If God didn't cared a hoot about the other creatures,
why did He instuct Noah to build the ark in the first place?
He should tell Noah to build a sampan instead if He just wants to save Noah's life alone.
"And of every living thing of all flesh you shall bring two of every sort into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. Of the birds after their kind, of animals after their kind, and of every creeping thing of the earth after it's kind, two of every kind will come to you to keep them alive."
- Genesis 6:19-20

It is us who are the animals,
not them.

Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org
SPCA hotline: 62875356