Trials.

The O' level results will be coming out in a few hours time.
At this point,
I'm sure most of us will have the fear kicking on us.
Fear of failure,
fear of not getting into the course we desire,
fear of losing out to our friends.
Even I've got to admit,
I'm having these fears within me at this moment.
But I've learnt alot during these past few weeks.
God has truly taught me many things.

Somehow I have the gut feeling that I won't be able to get into a JC.
I was very depressed as I really hoped to at least be able to get into a JC.
But God told me this,
"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18
And I really believe this is true.
How we often fail to thank God when we come into trials.
Instead,
we would blame Him.
"If You love me, why are you doing this to me?!"
We would often tell God when we don't get what we want.

I really admire this person in the bible called Job.
This who he is:
"In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.

His sons used to take turns holding feasts in their homes, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, "Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom."
- Job 1:1-5
Job was so righteous and sinless,
but the Lord one day decided to test Job's faith in Him by allowing the Devil to curse Job.

This was Job's first trial:
"One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"

Satan answered the Lord from roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."

Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

"Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."

The Lord said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger."

Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

One day when Job's sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, "Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!""
- Job 1:6-18
God allowed Satan to curse Job just as God will allow Satan to curse our lives.
But that doesn't mean God does not love us.
A parent sometimes has to spank his/her child in order to make him/her learn.
Does that mean that parent doesn't love his/her child?
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
- Hebrews 12:11
That's exactly God's purpose for giving us trials.
We go in weak,
but come out stronger.
Looking at the effects Job suffered,
it looks like we would be cursing God.
But this was what Job did:
"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.""
- Job 1:20

At this point,
you guys must be thinking to yourselves,
"Siao arh! Cannot be one la. Confirm fake one."
But I've got to tell you guys this fact,
nobody and I mean,
NOBODY on earth has been able to prove the bible false.
Now tell me,
would we have done what Job done?
I don't think so.

There's more:
"On another day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them to present himself before him. And the Lord said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"

Satan answered the Lord, "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."

Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason."

"Skin for skin!" Satan replied. "A man will give all he has for his own life. But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face."

The Lord said to Satan, "Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life."

So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!""
- Job 2:1-9

Now God decides to test Job again, just as He will continually test us,
and at this point,
I'm guessing that we would really just curse God and die.
But not Job.

Despite even his wife telling him to just give in to the Devil's tricks,
he persevered.
This was what he said:
"He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?""
- Job 2:10

Indeed,
we often thank God for the good things in life and complain when He sends us trouble.
Typical human beings!
Job, despite continuous trials he was put into,
he said,
"God may kill me, but still I will trust Him."
- Job 13:15

Shouldn't we trust in Him?
Trust that He has our future in His hands.
Trust that He does everything for the good of us.
Trust that everything He does is meant for His purpose for us.
Instead,
we often curse God.

If we think we've suffered a great deal,
think about how much Jesus Christ suffered.
Some of you may not believe in Him,
but that's the truth,
Jesus Christ came and died for our sins.
Even when He has the option to skip this step of obedience,
He said this before He knew He was about to die:
""Father, everything is possible for You. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want Your will, not mine.""
- Mark 14:36

Jesus surrendered His all to God.
Why can't we?

"We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son"
- Romans 8:28-29
and
"Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out."
- 1 Corinthians 10:13

Now,
no matter what your O' level results,
will you choose to trust in God?

Beauty.

Have you ever woke up wishing that you weren't who you were?
That you would looked better?
That you were skinnier?
That you were taller?
Walking around in public and feeling inferior even to strangers whom you do not know?
"How I wish I looked like that."
You would think to yourself.
You then try your best to change yourself by going to the gym to work out,
by skipping the rope,
by buying all the SK-II facial mask,
by putting on make-up on your face,
by wearing weird accessories hoping that people would notice them instead of your inferiorities.
But in the end,
you realise that you're still the same.
You then begin to blame God for making you who you are.
"Try again." says the Devil.
Nothing happens and you blame God again.
This cycle is repeated time and time again.

We often forget that we were made for a purpose.
We ought to thank God for giving us two eyes, two ears, two arms, two hands, two legs, two feet, one nose, one mouth and our five senses.
Instead,
we blame Him.
You complain when you see zits all over your face,
but have you taken a look around you?
There are people who are disabled;
people who are mentally unsound,
people who can't see,
who can't walk,
who can't hear,
who can't even talk.
These people serve as a reminder to us by God;
that we're lucky enough to be who we are.
These people are not useless.
In fact,
they're beautiful people.
The fact that they know who they are and are everyday guided by God make them the most special and most beautiful people.
Never look down on these people!
For they can do great things if they allow God to use them.

My aim in saying this is that we shouldn't worry about our outlook appearance.
Look at me!
I am dark, short, not good looking and do not get good grades
but do I stay at home and moan over that?
No!
Instead,
I trust in God.
Trust that He'll help me grow taller,
trust that He'll provide me with a wonderful future wife,
trust that He holds my future.
For He created everything and He knows each and everyone of our future.
"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and put our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone."
- Ephesians 1:11

So what is beauty?
The dictionary says: "a quality that a place or person has that makes them very attractive to look at."
Is seeing believing?
The bible however,
gives a different point of view.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the blood of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
- Ecclesiastes 3:11
The bible says everything is beautiful.
Aren't we all part of this 'everything'?


So what if one may look beautiful?
If the inside is rotten, isn't it useless.
Ever heard of the phrase 'seeing is not believing'?
"...You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean."
- Matthew 23:27
Keep a clear conscience!

If you feel that you're the ugliest person on earth,
or if you're never on par with anyone,
the Devil is working on you.
For the Devil is here to deceive us.
If you feel this way,
make this prayer to God, even if you're not a Christian,
for God hears all prayers.
"Dear God, I am weak. Get me out of this bottomless pit of inferiority. Get the Devil away from me. Lord, I need you."
A short and simple prayer and yet,
God will know that you're in need.

In order to prevent inferiority from spreading,
Do not insult your friends!
What you say to your friend may be nonsense to you but to your friend,
that 'nonsense' may hit your friend at some point.
"Do not testify your neighbor without cause, or use your lips to deceive."
- Proverbs 24:28

Get this fact into your head:
We are all created uniquely and are beautiful in every way.
"You created every part of me;
You put me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother's womb
when I was growing there in secret,
You knew that I was there--
You saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me
had all been recorded in Your book,
before any of them ever began."
- Psalms 139:13-16

Now, are you beautiful?

Clowns.

Has it ever happened to you that,
at one moment you're smiling and the next you're breaking down?
Well, I had.
This usually occurs when we're in a state of PMS.
Not the sick process that involves blood,
but an activity called Personal Mental Search.

You would start to ponder about your life and the things that made you upset.
Eventually, there will be so much sorrow in you that your brain and heart can no longer suppress it.
Tears would flow uncontrollably down your cheeks.
This my friends,
is PMS.

In this world,
we are all actually clowns.
Not because we're funny,
but because we wear a mask on our faces every single day.
This mask hides all forms of mixed emotions in us.
We may look fine on the outside, but on the inside bitterness just fills it completely.
We look to cry it out but as humans,
we tend to resist that and just keep it all in us.

Why are we doing this?
Let us now question ourselves,
Just what drives your life?

Most dictionaries define the verb drive as "to guide, to control, or to direct."
Most of us would feel that it is friends that drive our lives.
I would have to say that I was one of those.
Having a goofy hairstyle to attract attention was never on the agenda,
but I did it for a similar purpose.
You've got to admit,
we always want to feel noticed.
And so we often hide all our negative emotions in order to flow with the status quot.
We also do certain things that make people notice us.
Some people choose to pierce their bodies and faces,
some people choose to inscribe permanent marks on their bodies,
some people wear weird accessories.
This my friends,
is also known as living in this world.
"It is true that we live in the world, but we do not fight for worldly motives.
- 2 Corinthians 10:3

Yes we may be living in this world,
but we should looking forward to living in the other world;
the world up high.
Don't get me wrong,
friends are important,
but they are not the most important things in life.
There are friends who won't be there even if they say they will be.
Isn't the term "I'll always be there for you." usually taken for granted?
It's simply it a term most people use just to cheer people up or hit on them but hardly mean it.
Ever get the feeling that all your friends take you for granted?
That you're doing so much for them and you're getting less back?
Sian right?

There is a friend whom we can always confide in.
A friend who'll always care.
A friend who'll never take the "I'll always be there for you." for granted.
A friend who'll take away any inch of sadness in you.
A friend who'll take away all forms of anger in you.
A friend whom you can be yourself with.
A friend beyond mortal description.
That friend is Jesus Christ.
Yep,
Lewis is being holy again you guys must be thinking.
But it's seriously true.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men. I would not be a servant of Christ."
- Galatians 1:10

As some of you guys know,
I once was a person full of vulgarities,
full of mischief,
full of myself,
and always full,
physically.
I used to be a clown.
But I've found a friend.
Or should I say,
that friend found me.
"This world is fading away, along with everthing it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever."
- 1 John 2:17
What I'm doing is not a fight for immortality,
but a fight for the truth.
There's not much time left.

So,
what is the driving force of your life?

Love.

It's been a long time since my last post and i really thank my patriotic blog visitors and those who tagged my tag box for sticking with this blog.
I'm now going through what you call,
post-exam trauma.
Haha.

Anyway, i realised that everywhere i go,
i can see relationships happening.
I know that feeling,
cause i experienced it before;
you see a girl/boy and you got zapped by their image.
And somehow you feel that they're the one for you and that this is love.
When you finally get together,
you feel as though you've won a battle.
You tell each other your love for each other will be forever.
But forever is a strong word.

One day you will wake up and realise that the feelings are all gone.
That thrill of meeting up.
That heart-pounding feeling when you are both together.
That "I can't live without you".
That smile when you are both together.
That adrenaline to run forward when you see each other from a distant.
And you will have this messed up feeling within you;
that sian-ness feeling when you guys are meeting up.
That silence when you guys are eating together.
Then you glance away and you see another girl/boy.
And you wonder to yourself,
why can't she/he be my girlfriend/boyfriend instead?

The break-up usually happens afterwards.
Some people are too soft and doesn't want to hurt the other party.
So they just drag these bottled feelings longer,
thinking that it will not hurt the other party.
But one thing you should know,
it hurts more to know later.
In retrospect,
i've had these feelings before and i am sad to say,
i've hurt a poor soul in the process.

Where am i getting to you might be wondering.
Well,
i've been online my MSN till late nights and i noticed the depression some of my friends have had due to their relationship problems.
Friends saying phrases like, "I love you" too easily.
And the all-time favourite,
"I can't live without you".
Their whole world has been revolved around girls/boys that they have the mindset that having a girlfriend/boyfriend is a must.
And that when you have a tiny ounce of feeling for the opposite sex,
you must get them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend.
This is just pathetic.
And i am ashamed to admit that i was once like that.

After my break-up,
i was into hiding from that girl and just right,
Dudley invited me to his church event.
At that event,
i decided to take my hiding to church and indulge myself in the activities there.
I accepted Christ.
But for the wrong reasons.
I thought that as a Christian,
God would protect me from the then 'menacing' girl.
I got it all wrong.

Instead,
two more gruelling months till the hiding was all over.
Along the way,
i was a stagnant Christian.
Just going to church to hang out with friends.
I was a mess.
But then one day,
when i had finally enough of the depths of pornography to drown my sorrows,
i got down to my knees and begged the Lord for forgiveness.
You may think that i'm crazy,
but the Lord showed me a vision.
And that vision,
once interpreted to me,
showed me exactly what true love is.
He died on the cross for all of us,
even for those who still doesn't believe in Him,
just so that all our sins will be washed away.
In other words,
He took the fall for our mistakes.
"For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not die but have eternal life. For God did not send His son into the world to be its judge, but to be its savior."
- John 3:16-17

It touched my heart to know that God saved a wretch like me.
Once held down by love,
now held up by Christ.
My dear friend Douglas once told me,
the key to a successful relationship is not based on feelings,
but on commitment.
If you claim someone to be the one for you based on your own feelings,
it may go smoothly for the first two months,
but it'll all go wrong in the next few months.
The reason of my failure in being a boyfriend is commitment.
Please don't go on rashly into a relationship just because you got 'feel' for that person just as i did.
That 'feel' will fade away just as quickly as that 'feel' came.

After that encounter with God,
i felt better,
but i wasn't completely healed.
I was still tied down from my height indifference.
I kept feeling that i'm not tall enough to handle anything.
That my height is a disgrace.
Have you ever felt as if you're not good enough to do something?
Not good enough for anyone?
Having to fake a smile whenever everyone joked about you?
That's my feeling.
Early mornings i would sigh,
Mid-days i would try,
Late nights i would cry.

One day,
i got so tired of having to fake a smile every single day and feeling short in everything i do.
But God once again showed His love to me.
He led me to this verse that i feel is useful to everyone with low self-esteem problems.
"God purposely chose what the world considers nonsense in order to shame the wise, and He chose what the world considers weak in order to shame the powerful."
- 1 Corinthians 1:27
Do not ever feel that you're too lousy for anything for He doesn't!
Even though i may still suffer occasional 'short feelings',
it won't stick with me for long.
Perhaps i am made this way so that no one else will have to feel short.
I am what i am.

My friend once told me,
"You told me you won't become a hardcore Christian after you become one. Look at you now?"
I didn't know how to answer him back then.
But now i do.
"He changed my life. I can't help it and I wouldn't regret anything. I've been drawn by His grace and mercy and that's all."
I do not exactly regret everything i did before for if i didn't do those things,
i wouldn't have found someone greater.

So love doesn't mean you have to have a partner
Be patient and wait for your lifelong partner.
Do not be tied down by your love for someone.
If you feel that the more relationships you get into will give you a higher status quot,
you're wrong.
The real meaning of 'Making Love' is not sex.
It's having to choose one person and make love work.
You want to know what true love is?
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now that's true love.

I AM LONG AGO SO OVER THE EMO PROCESS.
UT THANK YOU ALL OF YOU WHOM SPOKE ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS IN THE TAGBOX.
REALLY APPRECIATED BUT I AM NOW A HAPPY SHORT BOY WHO'S DOING GOOD CAUSE GOD HAS BEEN GREAT TO ME.
(:

Mercy Found Me

I need not be upset over corrections,
God has told me.
I need not flatter my friends just to get their attention,
God has told me.
I need not be so abrupt to do something,
God has told me.
I need not do stupid things to be popular,
God has told me.
I need not be proud of anything anymore,
God has told me.
I need not worry about my outward appearance anymore,
God has told me.
I need to keep my faith and hope in God,
God has told me and reminded me.

Thanks for all those concerned friends of mine.
It's been a true blessing to know all of you.
I've made myself right before the Lord and He is as almighty as before.
Truly,
mercy has found me.

i was wrong.

i thought i could be cool,
i was wrong.
i thought i wasnt that ugly,
i was wrong.
i thought i had became Christlike,
i was wrong.
i thought my height wouldnt bother me no more,
i was wrong.
i thought i was humble,
i was wrong.
i thought i could supress all the mixed emotions in me,
i was wrong.
i thought the loneliness was gone,
i was wrong.
i thought Zi was wrong to say those things to me and nearly got angry with him,
i was wrong.
i thought the whole world revolved around me,
i was wrong.

i angered/saddened Janice on tuesday,
im so sorry Janice.
i angered Zi as well,
im so sorry Zi.
i was unable to get the whole team to training; i lack leadership,
im so sorry team.
i wrote all those non-Christlike things on the floor,
im so sorry sister Ruth and Elder Glen.
i had to leave the church girls to save my butt from the trouble of cleaning the floor,
im so sorry girls.

probably the biggest loser in the world is none other than me.
im just not strong enough.
perhaps it's all you guys' mishap to know someone like me.
believe me,
i am not what i seem to be.
wont You save me?
from myself.

Zoom.

Well, this happens to be my first post ever since my O levels ended.
Was lazy to blog but decided to do so today.
Yesterday was the much anticipated graduation high tea.
I bought my stuff in the dying minutes before monday so it wasnt that unique or good looking.
Anyway,
took a cab to school as i was going to be late.
Told the driver North Vista and he replied,
"BUONA VISTA!"
Eventually i showed him the way.
Waited for everyone to arrive and then made our way to the place to rehearse.
Rehearsed here and there until it was time to start.
I must say everyone's outfit were fantastic.
We all truly looked like "Fine Ladies and True Gentlemen".
Haha.
But the sad thing was that i realised that i was really really short.
Sad huh?
Most of the girls standing taller than me.
Despite the fact that they were wearing high heels and such,
it was really disgraceful to stand shorter than them.
Hais.
Anyway,
The ceremony started and ended in the blink of an eye.
It was really quick,
just like the time when we first stepped into the school and 'yi zhuan yan',
4 years have gone by.
Really wished that this didnt have to end to quickly.
Im not in the hurry to grow up so soon and i didnt really have the time to embrace the moment.
All that's left of memories.
Indeed 4e2 is the best class i ever had and i really have to thank God for putting me in it.
See,
i didnt do well for my Sec 2 exams and was supposed to go to 3e4 but i opted for 3e3.
Eventually,
the God placed me in 3e2 and i really made lots of good friends.
It was in 3e2 that i started to come to know Christ as well.
I just want to say this to my classmates:
Thank you for being my classmates all these couple of years,
putting up with my nonsense and if i ever hurt anyone or put a bad impression of myself in your eyes,
i just want to say that im sorry for everything and i really never meant to hurt anyone.
All i can wish for now is for the people of 4e2 and possibly North Vista to come to know the Lord as i have.
You see, He loves us, why cant we love Him back?
And last but not least, keep in touch!

These couple of years really got me closer to people like Bryan, Daryl, Dudley, Wei Kang, Guan Hua, Wei Jie, Jun Hao, Nelson, Alvin, Cheng Kai, Yeo Mei, Juvenal, Alyssa, Xiao Xian, Loo Yee, Cherlyn and many more.
*Pardon if i didnt mention your name, i still love ya*
Haha.
Anyway,
After the high tea, we tau pok'd Jia Yi and Phua and even got chased by the security guard.
What 'True Gentlemen' display right.
After that we, 4e2, went to watch a movie together.
All 29 of us.
We first went to Lido and then when there was not much movies,
i ran to Cineleisure ahead of the rest to check out the movies.
Reached there and told them the movies available.
Eventually,
everyone agreed on 'The Game Plan'.
So i bought 29 tickets with a total cost of $203!
Wow!
We were kinda late for the movie and missed the front part but all in all,
it was a great movie as we all watched it together as a class.
After the movie,
we went to eat at Burger King and then walked back to Plaza Sing to take the train home.
Along the way,
i walked in and out of the train at different stations just for fun.
Haha.
I decided not to go home and stayed over at Bryan's place.
I had to make sure the girls get home safely.
So for those who sent me messages, thank you.
For those who didnt,
thank you for making me unable to sleep due to the worrying.
Just joking.
Haha.
Stayed over at Bryan's house and i had a fun time irritating him throughout the night.
I woke up at 9am and made my way to meet Zi and Janice.
They wanted to look for jobs and we ran around the town area searching for one.
They dragged me along.
Eventually after two long days,
i am finally home.
All in all,
i just want to thank God for everything,
especially the people of 4e2.
You guys changed my life and hopefully you guys will change other lives in the future.
Thank you, all of you (:

Growing up is never easy..

"Come to me, all of you who are weary from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest."
- Matthew 11:28



Photographs from Dudley: http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/dartlen.linimus/GraduationHighTea07