Miserable At Best.

"Dear Lewis,
You've got to know this. You've got to start having confidence in yourself.
I know whenever you look into her eyes, you feel small.
You feel inferior.
But somehow, you can't seem to look away.
It's like a small little boy oogling an ice cream cone from afar, him knowing he can never have it but dream so much of gaining it.
I know you think you've got nothing to offer, no looks, no talents, not even the basic average height.

You stammer in front of her.
You drop your popcorn all over the seat.
You have no idea what you're going to say next.
She talks about your past and what you've done.
You regret for a moment, but regret no longer.
For you know for sure, you've grown from it.
You've changed from it.

She might say all the negative points about herself, but truth is, you don't mind.
You know human beings are never perfect.
You know everyone has flaws.
And you know you accept her flaws.
All you're asking for is a chance to woo, not even to get get into a relationship.
But a chance to woo.

You see through her iron body and realise she's like toufu.
Sturdy on the outside but soft on the inside.
Afraid she is of another heartbreak.

You know how tough it'd be.
To appease her.
It's like David against Goliath.
But you remain faithful.
And I believe that faithfulness, reaps good harvest.
Whether tangible, or intangible.

This is all I have to say.


Peace and love,
Lewis."

That was 16th Feb 2010, nearly 6 months ago.

How I missed the faithfulness.

How I missed her.

Funny how things can change at such a drastic pace.

She said I meant a lot to her.

But truth is, sometimes people need more than just words.

This is the first time I'm going to pray for something.

For God to help me let go.

It just feels so hurtful knowing you've been living a lie.

Despite all of that, I still miss you.

And I hope you'll be happy with him (I know he's so much better than me).

Though I know you'll never see this, goodbye.

And if God permits, we'll meet again some day.

Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting, go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

'Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Been three whole days since I've had sleep
'Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

Peace & love,

Lewis

Hope.

So Near, Yet So Far.

"There is nothing much I can do;

I can spend my time listening to you,

Or maybe share a joke or two.

I don't mind being treated like a fool,

Just to take away your blue.

If you let me through,

I will show you that I can be true."

- Me

Isn't it weird how a person can miss another whom he hardly even knows.

How he would look around the crowd just hoping to meet her and tell himself that it's fate.

How he would spend hours thinking of the perfect poem for her.

How he would hope every time his phone shines, he sees her name.

How he would learn to play guitar songs hoping to play for her one day.

How he would walk past Kovan each weekday hoping to bump into her.

How he would love to just have a bus ride with her.

How he would beat himself each day reminding how foolish he is in doing all these.

How he would beat himself each day reminding how irritating he is.

How he would beat himself each day reminding how inferior he is.

How he would beat himself each day reminding how to live life.

How I wished that guy wasn't me.

How I wished you'd give me the opportunity to know you.

How I wish...

Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly (From the movie: ONCE)

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

Games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly
Eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Wounds that take me
And erase me
And I'm painted black

Well you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you've won

Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly
Sing your melody
I'll sing it loud
Loud

Peace & love,

Lewis

"In times you may stumble,

To the point where you stay down.

Your heart may crumble,

And in tears you drown.

You shout for help,

But no one hears.

Alone you yelp,

Thinking of all your fears.

There may be disappointment,

But there is always hope.

Only through this you can find fulfillment,

Only through this can you cope.

Dark clouds may hover the sky,

But the sun is there always.

Your tears will dry,

And the night will turn to day."

- Me

So this is it.

I need to seriously get my life back on track.

Family. Love. Friends.

I'm putting this family back together.

At least i'll try.

Love, i'm tired of fairytale endings.

I'm getting back to reality.

Friends, love them.

Lifehouse - Halfway Gone

You were always hard to hold
So letting go aint easy
Im hanging on youre growing cold
While my mind is leaving

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me your word you can keep
Cause I’m halfway gone and Im on my way
And Im feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause youre halfway in but dont take too long
Cause Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone
Halfway gone
I’m halfway gone

You got one foot out the door
And choking on the other
Always think youre something more
Is just around the corner

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me your word you can keep
You can keep
Cause I’m halfway gone and Im on my way
And Im feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause youre halfway in but dont take too long
Cause Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone

If you want me out, then Im on my way
And Im feelin, feelin feelin this way
Cause youre halfway in, but dont take too long
Cause Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone
Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Now Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone

Dont take too long, dont take too long
Wohoww wohoww
Cause Im on my way
If you take too long
Wohoww wohoww
Cause Im halfway gone and Im on way
And Im feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause youre halfway in but dont take too long
Cause Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone

If you want me out, then Im on my way
And Im feelin , feelin feelin this way
Cause youre halfway in, but dont take too long
Cause Im halfway gone, Im halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Cause Im halfway gone, yeah Im halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Cause Im halfway gone, yeah Im halfway gone

Peace & love,

Lewis

Reviewing the complexity of the inferiority apathy.

"Only from afar can I stare,

At the the beautiful image beyond compare.

My heart at times end up in warfare,

Such that I contemplate if I should take the dare.

They say patience in a man is rare,

But for love I'm afraid it's something I've got to bear.

I wonder how many times my heart have to tear,

Before I find my other pair.

You can kill me for all I care,

Cause I never once thought love was fair."

- Me

Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days


Just close your eyes and listen, it's one of those songs.

Sometimes in life, you wished you were someone else.

That you were that person who gets good grades.

That you were that person who gets a wonderful relationship.

That you were that person who gets good looks.

That you were that person who gets everyone talking about him.

Sometimes in life, you wished you were not you.

That you were not that person who did badly for his exams.

That you were not that person who tries as hard as he may but always seem to fail to attract the opposite sex.

That you were not that person who isn't blessed with good looks.

That you were not that person who is overshadowed by his good looking friends.

Sometimes in life, you just want to feel loved.

Sometimes in life, you just want to be known.

Sometimes in life, you just want to feel not so alone.

Sometimes in life, you just want to go to NUS/NTU/SMU.

Sometimes in life, you just want to be good looking.

Sometimes in life, you just want to be tall.

Sometimes in life, you just want to kill yourself.

That "sometimes",

Is now.

Peace & love,

Lewis

Loser.

Peace & love,

Lewis

Thank God.

When things do not go your way,

And you're left in dismay,
When everything's not okay,
And you start to pray,

When troubles enter the fray,
And you inevitably stray,
When you go through everyday,
Feeling tired of the smiles you have to portray,

I just want to say,
There's always a price one has to pay,
With choices they have to weigh,
Just to see their problems slowly fade away.

Even when your sky is grey,
And you feel like you're God's sitting prey,
Don't give up halfway,
Be strong come what may.

I know this may sound cliche,
But I'll be here to try to brighten up your day,
If you give me the chance today."

- Me

Dear Lewis,

You've got to know this. You've got to start having confidence in yourself.

I know whenever you look into her eyes, you feel small.

You feel inferior.

But somehow, you can't seem to look away.

It's like a small little boy oogling an ice cream cone from afar, him knowing he can never have it but dream so much of gaining it.

I know you think you've got nothing to offer, no looks, no talents, not even the basic average height.

You stammer in front of her.

You drop your popcorn all over the seat.

You have no idea what you're going to say next.

She talks about your past and what you've done.

You regret for a moment, but regret no longer.

For you know for sure, you've grown from it.

You've changed from it.

She might say all the negative points about herself, but truth is, you don't mind.

You know human beings are never perfect.

You know everyone has flaws.

And you know you accept her flaws.

All you're asking for is a chance to woo, not even to get get into a relationship.

But a chance to woo.

You see through her iron body and realise she's like toufu.

Sturdy on the outside but soft on the inside.

Afraid she is of another heartbreak.

You know how tough it'd be.

To appease her.

It's like David against Goliath.

But you remain faithful.

And I believe that faithfulness, reaps good harvest.

Whether tangible, or intangible.

This is all I have to say.

Peace and love,

Lewis.

Nick Jonas & The Administration - Who I Am


I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I want to break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing is right, nothing is right when your gone.
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I want to break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone
I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong
I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

Yeah, who I am.

Peace & love,

Lewis

Letting go is my life, I'll be on my way.

"As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me.
The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect.
They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind.
They understand the power of letting go.

Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break.
Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break."
- Julia Butterfly Hill

Armor For Sleep - Kind Of Perfect


Can I just be something,
Somewhere in your room,
That you won't notice.

Maybe I'll be paper,
Or books thrown on your floor,
Move me when you want to.

I'll live where you put me,
In your VCR,
If I become a cassette.

Or on top of your computer,
If that's where I would fit,
Then so be it.

But things can't be perfect,
All the time, that I know.
Sometimes we just have to let some things go.

I will not say one word,
I'll just hang around,
I won't annoy you at all.

When you move out I'll stay,
Until I'm thrown away,
But then it won't matter.

Things can't be perfect,
All the time, that I know.
Sometimes we just have to let some things go.

Because things can't be perfect,
All the time, that I know.
Sometimes we just have to let some things go.

I promise to stop now,
To stop now.
I promise to stop now,
To stop now.

But things can't be perfect,
All the time, that I know.
Sometimes we just have to let some things go.

Things can't be perfect,
All the time, that I know.
Sometimes we just have to let some things go.

Letting go is my life,
I'll be on my way..


Peace & love,
Lewis

Said he'd seen my enemy, said he looked just like me.

Before saying my bit, here's a video I hope most of you would take the time to watch.
Especially those who failed their promotional examinations, or just need a sense of motivation to keep going. Don't give up.
"You can't beat the grim reaper by not dying. You beat the reaper by living well." - Dr. Randy Paush

"Even though you may not appreciate,
The concern I have for you will not depreciate.
And one day you will know,
That even when your sun stops to glow,
I'll be your shelter,
And make sure to pick you up whenever you falter."
- Me

They all tell me it's not worth it.
I tell them I know.
And I do know.
But, there's just a tiny part of me that says,
I'm not worth her.

I'm tired of this game.
I'm going to remain silent.
For the moment.

James Blunt - Same Mistake (Boyce Avenue Acoustic Cover)


So while I'm turning in my sheets
And once again I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Uhuuuu uhuuuu uhuuuu

And so I sent some men to fight
And one came back at dead of night
Said he'd seen my enemy
Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

Uhuuuu uhuuuu uhuuuu

I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again

Uhuuuu

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk but not just speak
Don't buy the promises cause
There are no promises I keep
And my reflection troubles me
So here I go

Uhuuuu uhuuuu uhuuuu

I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake

I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again

Uhuuuu uhuuuu uhuuuu


Peace & love,
Lewis